You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When are your genitals available?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
