and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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