Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
