I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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