i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
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I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
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there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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