i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
