with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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