Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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