i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
