I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
