I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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