Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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