Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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