is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
