Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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