It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
