i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
