I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
