Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
