I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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