That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
