i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
