Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
