I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
NoShamevember. You game?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
