I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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