you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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