The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
