You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
