go do what you do best...puke behind churches
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
