before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
