This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
