mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
PANTIES FOUND
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