the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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