Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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