my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
