did you get engaged???
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
