So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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