i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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