did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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