Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I believe in your delicious
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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