Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I skipped work to stalk him.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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