Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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