God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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