new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
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