Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
