yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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