You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
