This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
