Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
