You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
