Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
