the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
