Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
