I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
