You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
