I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
