Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
