I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
