Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
